What A Time To Be Alive

I mean, seriously.

There’s been a lot of hype on Instagram surrounding this post:

And of course it has quickly surpassed the most liked photo on Instagram – of Kylie Jenner’s baby Stormi. And the likes just keep growing. The #EggGang seems to be going strong, y’all. Considering that this account is barely ten days old.

Like I said, what a time to be alive.

This actually compels me to say something – 2019 is galloping by like a wild Appaloosa on crack. It’s already the fourteenth of January, like what the heck? Slow down. Also, have you guys looked at the articles online about the world ending on January 21st this year?

To quote a paragraph from this article I found on Express:

The upcoming total lunar eclipse, often dubbed the , will paint the skies a menacing red colour over vast swathes of North and South America, Europe and parts of Africa. The Blood Moon is expected to peak on the night of January 21, 2019, marking the second anniversary of President Donald Trump’s inauguration. Biblical conspiracy theorists have now claimed the coincidental date is significant, with some going as far as to claim the world is coming to an end. Chief conspiracist, Evangelical Pastor Paul Begley from West Lafayette in Indiana, warned his followers the Blood Moon is a prophetic sign of the “end times”.

Uh oh. And watching creepy shows aren’t helping me at this point, but I still do it.

Also, I just realized that the past never truly gets swept under the rug. There’s a Bollywood star called Ranveer Singh who made a rather tasteless comment while sharing the couch with his costar Anushka Sharma, on this talk show called Koffee with Karan. Not only does the deliberate spelling mistake make me mad, it doesn’t help Karan Johar’s case at all. To me, he’s a hypocrite who says everything should be all about empowerment while doing nothing to enforce whatever he says. He’s also the same man that coined the catchphrase, “Nepotism Rocks!”, in addition to being a complete headache that encourages all sorts of douchebaggery on National Television.

Both actors are now married to other people (duh), but this video from 2011 that surfaced recently, doesn’t make Ranveer Singh look good at all. Take a look:

https://www.google.co.in/amp/s/www.indiatoday.in/amp/movies/celebrities/story/old-video-of-ranveer-asking-anushka-if-she-wants-her-a-pinched-goes-viral-internet-roasts-singh-1429478-2019-01-12

We idolize the wrong people, really. Recently two of the key players on the Indian Cricket Team were sent home because of sexist comments they made on the SAME show. Like, can we cancel the show already? How is it still getting a huge audience?

I blame the newspapers. The magazines. The media, in general. Indian media is the worst. I’ve never seen one nice thing in the newspapers. The only thing people actually highlight all the time is bad news. Every agency running the show is biased and close-minded in their own ways, and it just keeps getting worse. Nobody needed to know what designers celebrities wear to award shows or who got married to whom recently. Even if they did need to know, the media coverage shouldn’t be focused on the extravaganza. Somebody please get us a newspaper that doesn’t post page three stuff on page one. I’m going mental.

Or at least, have some positive news printed on the front page. How much negativity do y’all want us to start our mornings with?

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Romanticizing The Morbid

Sabhyata (@palletesandpaint on Instagram) recommended this show to me. I’d thought that Gillian Flynn’s Amy Dunne was the coldest of the lot. Turns out, I was wrong.

What show am I talking about? Read on to find out.

We’ve all seen Gone Girl or read the book, and we’ve all been weirdly fascinated by the way Gillian Flynn’s mind works. She writes some of the best psychological crime thrillers in my opinion. I had no idea that Caroline Kepnes managed to create a protagonist – or an anti-hero, if you will – quite as fascinating as Joe Goldberg, and he’s clever and calculating and obsessive and I love the way Kepnes portrays him.

Joe Goldberg first makes an appearance in the 2015 novel, You. It’s now a Netflix show, same name, and there’s a season two coming. Oh JOY.

The reason why I found Goldberg so appealing was the fact that he comes across as a harmless bookstore manager. How crazy would a bookstore manager be, right? WRONG. He’s Internet-savvy, and can work Google like a pro. Also, he’s read every book out there and *spoiler alert* knows how to dispose of most evidence. Also, his stalking skills are crazy. It’s kind of chilling, you know? How far a person would go to get the woman of his dreams, whom he ultimately ends up killing. At least Amy Dunne let Nick live. Shudder.

Things people say they do in the name of love.

Now, is the show any good? And is it different from the book?

Well, yes and yes.

I made the mistake of watching the show first and then reading both You and the sequel, Hidden Bodies. It should have been the other way round, just so I could compare better. It’s kind of different from the book, because the producers of the show decided to bring Joe’s ex back. Candace doesn’t make a comeback in the book. Which means that the sequel is going to be way different from Hidden Bodies. Ugh. Now I’ll have to wait for ever to find out what’s going on.

How good is Penn Badgley’s portrayal of Joe Goldberg? On point.

Joe is a completely different character than his portrayal of Gossip Girl’s Dan Humphrey. Sure that character was shady and everything, but it feels like a completely different person. You couldn’t tell this was the same actor. The manic, crazed look in his eyes. The brooding demeanor. Oh my. Everything is perfect.

Apparently the character is so crazy and evil and sinister and all of that, that Badgley was super hesitant to play the role initially.

Left: Goldberg. Right: Humphrey.

I know a few people that happened to get so freaked out after watching the show that they had to go look at puppy videos. I’m not kidding. If you’re someone that’s sensitive and cannot stomach morbid stories, maybe stay away. Someone sent me this meme the other day, which sums up just about everything:

Did you watch this show? Or read the books? Any new Netflix recommendations are welcome. Hope your 2019 is going great.

These Stay With Me

I’ve had a rather bleh 2018. Let’s just leave it at that. However, it did teach me a lot of life lessons. These are the things I’m taking with me into this year.

1. It’s just the calendar that’s changed.

If you think about it, that’s the only thing that’s actually changed. You’re still you, your job is still your job and your bed is still your bed. If you’re happily married, your spouse is still your spouse. We make a big deal out of everything and put too much pressure on ourselves.

2. With the right person, nothing matters. As long as you’ve got the right ingredients.

Isn’t that so true?

You don’t need much. You just need love and affection and care and mutual understanding. You just need a lot of emotions. All positive.

With the right person, it’s a freaking Disney movie come to life. I’m not kidding.

3. It’s important to have your finances sorted.

I know I just said that you don’t need much to be happy when you’re in love with the right person, but I’m going to contradict myself here.

You do need money.

Not every man out there would be willing to get you diamonds for your anniversary, or a Chanel bag for your thirtieth birthday, or a trip to the Bahamas for your freaking honeymoon. Stuff like that exists only on those accounts that pop up on your explore page when you’re casually scrolling through Instagram.

Point is, you’ve to be your own boyfriend when it comes to diamonds and all that.

4. Everyone blooms differently, at different times.

Apples and avocados, baby.

Apples grow fast as heck. Avocados take basically a decade. Well, apparently. And it’s so much better to eat an avocado than an apple.

The point I’m trying to make here is, if you’re going nowhere at this point, don’t worry. You’ll get there eventually. You’re just taking longer than expected. And that’s completely okay.

5. You don’t need friends.

2018 was so superficial. It’s hard to find genuine people that care about you. The bigger your circle gets, the less diluted the affection and care get.

I’ve cut a lot of people out of my life. That’s how you shed dead weight. And I’m doing so much better, if I say so myself.

On that note, Happy New Year. What important stuff did you learn in 2018? Has January 1 been eventful? Talk to me about it!

On Personal Growth

If you’ve been reading my blogs for a while now, you’ll probably know that it’s been quite the rocky road. I used to write for an audience once, and then, somewhere along the way, this space became more of a journal than an actual blog. And I’ve had a lot of support from a ton of really nice people. It’s true, you know: people out there are actually nice. You don’t have to lose faith in humanity, just yet.

But I’m going to contradict myself for a second there.

I’ve seen a lot of messed up crap happen over the past year. And all of that had something do with social media. Plagiarism. Defamation. Lawsuits, even. We’ve all seen the rise of social media influencers, and we’ve all seen the so-called “drama channels” on YouTube gain a huge popularity quite out of the blue. People failed to give credit where credit was due. Still do, in fact. That’s a whole different story and it doesn’t really affect me directly anymore because I’m not an influencer or anything, and I’ve certainly never made any profit at the cost of hurting people, but it gets my goat because I have friends whose full-time jobs happen to be on social media and it’s really frustrating to see other people take credit for everything they do.

Also, there’s this other thing that makes me upset – fair-weather friends still exist. I mean, it’s almost 2019. Do you still have to pretend to be my best friend and then exclude me from your circle, because you couldn’t afford to let me in, while at the SAME time, you couldn’t afford to lose me since you needed to get your stuff done? I mean, you can actually find people you genuinely like. Or, maybe hire an assistant to be your yes-man. How hard is that?

Back to what I wanted to talk about – 2018 has been a really, really illuminating (for the lack of a better word) year for me. It’s like one morning I woke up, and I realized that I was actually at peace with myself. That’s super rare, you know? Nothing seems to faze me out for a long time anymore. It’s like sadness is only momentary and lasts for about a few seconds. These days, I’m more like okay, done and dusted, let’s move on. I remember my Dad telling me once that as you grow older and everything, professional jealousy becomes a thing and you lose friends faster than you lose hair. Turns out, he was right. The smaller your circle is, the healthier your mind would be. You don’t need other people’s luggage in your lives. You can have friends, sure, but when you add the prefix “close-” in front of the “friends”, that’s when trouble happens.

I feel like I’m finally at peace with myself. I barely have friends, and I’m happy with whatever is going on, and I’ve – most importantly – learned to forgive myself. It took me three whole years and a bumpy road to self discovery but here I am, finally free and happy. And that’s what matters the most to me. Sure, there are hiccups. Not everyday is going to be all roses and sunshine. Not everyone is going to be okay with what I’m doing, BUT I’m content and I don’t think I’ll be ranting about my life anymore. I don’t have FOMO. I have JOMO, yes. The Joy Of Missing Out is a new thing I’m trying and you should too. Don’t let other people tell you your life is miserable, and don’t let people throw you pity parties.

#selfloveachieved

2019 will be Nirvana, done and done. Watch me.

Much Too Much

And I’m the worst person on the planet. It’s official.

Please note: I’m not a qualified dietician. Or a nutritionist. Or even that good at community medicine. Or at general medicine. Or at physiology. Dear God, am I even good at anything? I’m not even good at ranting on a daily basis anymore.

What makes me say all of that?

Well, I recommended some protein to a loved one’s aunt. The aunt managed to have a hip fracture. And is still in recovery and has diabetes and hypertension to boot. And is also a vegetarian.

Said loved one asked me for a diet plan, because um, I’m a doctor and all.

And me being me, and wanting to be a know it all, recommended SOME protein (I repeat, some) to this aunt. And this is what made me feel like I should actually be sent to prison.

What happens when you recommend such a diet to a patient with chronic kidney disease?

You end up killing the patient.

A protein rich diet would inevitably lead to increased intraglomerular pressure and glomerular hyperfiltration. This can cause damage to your glomerular structure leading to or aggregating chronic kidney disease.  

Bro, what was I thinking? WHAT THE HECK WAS I DOING?

Who makes a mistake as basic as this one?

To top it all off, I have a lovely friend who said it’s okay to make mistakes because I would never make it to MD because I’m stupid that way. And it hurt. True, it didn’t embarrass me as much as I embarrassed myself, but it hurt all the same.

Why am I ranting about it here?

Here’s the thing.

When you’re a doctor, you’re dealing with people’s lives. When someone asks you advice on something super basic as what to avoid eating when stuck with CKD, you should be able to give the correct answer even when in deep sleep and even when you’ve got mouth full of toothpaste foam.

There’s no room for error.

There’s no room for mistakes when you’ve come so far and you make a goof up like this one in front of someone who’s super close to you. Not only have you managed to embarrass yourself, you’ve also earned your first strike.

Which brings me to my conclusion…

My other (highly negative) friend was right. I’m not fit to be a doctor anymore. I should give up my license and stick to being an insignificant blip on the surface of the Earth.

Have you ever had to face embarrassing situations like this one?

I know I’ll never recover from this. And I’ll never forgive myself. Will probably beat myself up till I actually die or something. What an end to 2018. Oh, brother.

Stuff I Failed To Comprehend THIS Year

It’s almost the end. Of the year, that is. And 2018 was all over the place. I remember all of us praying, like we typically do, for a beautiful new year just last year and then we got well, a load of crap.

The only good thing that came out of all that crap was probably the Me-moji. Case in point:

While this is very cute and seems to have very fine teeth and all, there’s a million things that made me very unhappy this year. Let’s start with the very obvious, shall we?

1. Atrocious Grammar and Catchphrases:

This was the year of the worst grammar out there. I fail to see how “I’m shook”, “It’s lit”, or “It me” makes any sense. Okay, I maybe a bit of grammar nazi, sure. But I’m also pretty sure that *most* English teachers on the planet are actually smacking themselves on their foreheads.

Also, what’s “She’s quaking” supposed to mean? What’s with the overuse of the word “sister”? Why is it okay to say “I’m sister shook?”

Well, young lady/man, I’m sister shook at your sister atrocity. In case you don’t know what I’m talking about, stop reading and Google James Charles YouTuber.

2. The Over-saturated Market:

There’s this pretty huge Instagram page called TrendMood1, and I think she should change her handle to The Enabler. I’ve never seen someone so influential. She could even sell a used tissue, she’s that convincing.

And she’s been phenomenal in helping saturate the already over-saturated beauty industry.

It used to be Kylie Cosmetics alone that would pump out new launches. But now, we have every other brand follow suit. We can’t keep up, and our wallets and finally our interests follow suit. This is coming from a makeup hoarder. I used to buy a lot. I used to buy a lot in 2017. Heck, even in June this year. But now? Every time there’s a new lipstick out, it’s like I’ve seen it before.

3. Bookstagram Drama:

It’s bad enough we have so much drama in the beauty industry, but now it’s spilled over into the world of Bookstagram too.

It all started with my good friend Faroukh talking about sponsorships and ads. Which actually started off a little bit of a war. And then it quickly escalated. And then it moved to Twitter. I don’t think it’s wrong to expect payment for content you’re putting your heart and soul and time and effort into. It’s only fair that when you’re creating content for someone, you expect to be paid. With actual money. No one should be working for free, right?

But oh boy. It did rub a few people the wrong way. And before we knew it, up went a post talking about how freedom was too important and how money doesn’t count. Oh dear. To think we had drama only in the beauty community. What’s next? Gym membership drama? Oh. Popcorn time.

4. Apple and The Crazy Prices:

So Apple is really testing people with the crazy prices. In India, the new iPhone XS Max is priced slightly higher than a tiny car called the Tata Nano.

While there’s no denying the fact that the new phones are beautiful, it does get my goat sometimes knowing that you’d have to buy extra attachments in order for your phone to be properly functional. The stock adapter isn’t gonna come equipped with fast charging. Which is so annoying.

When you pay so much for a phone, it has to be perfect, right? But it is a beauty. Takes amazing shots, you see. Wow, I’m contradicting myself.

And finally…

5. Wedding Fever:

Everyone is getting married.

Everyone. Celebrities. Common folk. Puppies. Like, what the heck?

I don’t understand how people suddenly develop these weird fevers and then go about doing all of it like crazy on crack.

I know at this rate, I’m going to be the last grandma standing.

Help.

A Conversation

If I had to summarize what I was feeling right now, it would probably be meh. Yes, that’s actually correct. It’s hard to believe, right? It’s Pujo Season in West Bengal and it’s Halloween soon, and then before we know it, Christmas is going to be upon us but all I feel is… nothing.

I’m getting ancient. There can be no other explanation. Which is crazy to me because my Dad is almost three decades older than I am, and he never feels meh. He’s actually out as we speak, right there with the panditji and everything; getting ready for the big ashtami Pujo. This is such a big deal if you happen to be Bengali, and oh my Lordy, look at me, I’m actually still holed up in my room and the Anjali is about to start and I’m not even moving my butt.

What’s wrong with me?

I’ve been asking myself that over and over and over. I don’t feel anything. Not happiness. Not sorrow. There’s no passion. There’s no nothing. I’m drawing blanks like never before.

I remember being excited about Pujo even last year. I remember going shopping for new clothes. This year? I’ve been wearing my mum’s sarees because I didn’t want to go shopping. I’ve been going out at night, in the car, and avoiding places that needed human interaction. I was never this person before. I think a part of my brains snapped. I think a huge part of me broke, and I don’t even know the reason.

I don’t blog.

It’s not because I don’t want to. It’s not because I’m trying to be cool by going on the hiatus thing that bloggers do. No. It’s just that I get my laptop and stare at the screen and nothing, no words, ever come.

However.

I wanted to come on here and share a few photos that I took from the car because I couldn’t bring myself to get out and admire Durga Maa from a close range because my anxiety is so bad at this point, sometimes I end up having really bad panic attacks. Sometimes I can’t breathe and sometimes I forget to, because the anxiety cripples me. I need to find myself. Again. Find love in doing things I used to love doing. Maybe it’ll happen soon, maybe it’ll never happen ever again, but I am going to start trying again.

So Durga Pujo is a pretty big deal in Bengal. For those of you who happen to be completely unfamiliar with the whole thing,

Durga Puja festival marks the battle of goddess Durga with the shape-shifting, deceptive and powerful buffalo demon Mahishasura, and her emerging victorious. Thus, the festival epitomises the victory of good over evil, but it also is in part a harvest festival that marks the goddess as the motherly power behind all of life and creation. The Durga Puja festival dates coincide with Vijayadashami (Dussehra) observed by other traditions of Hinduism, where the Ram Lila is enacted — the victory of Rama is marked and effigies of demon Ravana are burnt instead.
– from good old Wiki.

People put up lights and make pretty effigies of Maa Durga and there’s an elaborate prayer held. Not to mention, there’s a ton of power and resources being wasted. I don’t mean to be such a Debbie Downer, but it is what it is.

Happy Pujo, everyone.