Getting dumped mega hurts. It is going to hurt for a while. But, it’s like a little paper cut, nothing major. It’s never huge enough to make you want to have some extra oxygen cylinders attached to your body. That’s just your heightened emotions playing tricks on you.
In my defence, I get over rejection pretty quickly – quickly being eating two whole entire tubs of ice cream and throwing up, almost at once, like I were trying to throw up memories along with my hurl.
Now, ex-boyfriends (and girlfriends) are bad news. Think of them as little mosquitoes that annoyingly sing in your ears and try to suck you dry. They’re like ticks. Be careful here, because ticks totally cause Lyme Disease.
What do you do in these situations? Be like an exterminator. Ex-terminator. See what I did there? Terminate the ex. Not literally though, you’d end up in prison for manslaughter. And I’d be arrested too for giving you bad ideas.
Do this instead.
And post it on social media for all your friends to see. Yes, you’d get a ton of laughs, but spread happiness, that’s right! *nodding encouragingly*
Also snub them as often as possible. Snub away to glory. If they try to get back together, and say they’d like to stay friends, give them looks of deepest loathing and disgust, the same kind of look reserved for all those icky things like maybe slugs and other gross-ity.
This is what your mantra should be:
“I am not angry or happy or sad to see you. I could not give a sh*t. You don’t even ripple” – Gillian Flynn, Dark Places.
And remember. Be an (ex)Terminator.