WHO the heck invented the jumpsuit? They need to be hit over their heads with a Strawberry Shortcake doll. Repeatedly.
Here’s why jump-crappy-suits suck:
1. Like everyone else, I got carried away by the jumpsuit revolution. And then I realized – it’s got to be the worst invention ever. I’ve tried too many jumpsuits and they feel like a straitjacket around my personality.
Break free, Sooch.
2. I’m dwarfy. And jumpsuits cut off my height even more for some reason. I look in the mirror and I see… Nothing. It just does not work for me. See, this is why I hate jumpsuits. They’re more intimidating than your neighbor’s nutter grandma.
3. Jumpsuits give you total camel-toe. If they haven’t yet, they will. It’s inevitable. Someday. And obviously. You can not escape.
4. Jumpsuits make trips to public restrooms effing miserable. As if wearing the damn thing wasn’t miserable enough. Gaaaaaaah.
…this is the only way I can actually pose for pictures in one of those monstrosities. I totally look like I’ve got constipation. And in case you’re wondering, you perv, my bowels are perfectly okay. Thank you very much.
This is also why girls like me shouldn’t talk fashion. I murder things.
Let’s lighten the mood, shall we?
Here’s a wildly transparent attempt to divert your attention from my extremities and my gluteus maximus.