I’m done with all the rape news. Done with all the corruption. Therefore, I bring to you the following list of what India really needs.
1. Restraining Orders:
We don’t seem to have these. Nowhere in the neighborhood. People stalk, hurt, beat the ish out of others. Nobody says a word. Nobody takes stalking seriously.
2. Sense of Propriety:
Why is half the population potty-mouthed? Why does our education system have to suck rotten bananas? Why does communication fail, but fornication works? Got explanations? Please. Go ahead. Talk.
3. POPULATION CONTROL:
4. Job Openings:
Too many people. No jobs. Do the math.
5. Pig-Eradication Programmes:
We need these like the heart needs the beat. I kid you not, it’s a nightmare when you know they’re waiting to run at you and cause you to topple off.
6. Ban on Random Song Sequences in Movies:
There were no storylines to begin with: must you torture people with crappy song sequences out of the blue? We came here to de-stress, not re-stress, remember?
7. Ban on Random Movies that Promote Crappy Behavior…
…that kids end up copying. It’s not okay to walk around dressed like the whore of Babylon – IN BROAD DAYLIGHT – and definitely not okay to rape the said whores of Babylon.
GROW THE F*CK UP.
8. Bus Laws:
Let me emphasize – STRICT BUS LAWS. As in, no raping, no groping, no crotch rubbing, and no smoking.
If you can’t find a seat, please find another bus.
It’s not okay to rub against another person, or sleep on their shoulders or look down their shirts. Seriously!
9. No Spitting/ Peeing in Public Policies:
Do not sprittle on the road. Do not throw phlegm on the road.
Gentlemen, please, do not pee in public.
And not in front of my house. Thanks.
10. Sexy Politicians:
What do you expect from a country with ancient politicians? Who look so frail – dandelion seeds would feel smug.
If you’ve got money, go shopping at least, dear politicians. And didi – invest in lipstick, maybe? And shoes? Please?