You’ve got to read this. Just GOT to.

only bad chi

Ok, this one, I DO dread. When someone goes in for the kiss and you’re not feeling it, (if you were even aware you were on a date), it’s basically the worst. But have no fear–I’m going to coach you through what you can do to dodge the unwanted kiss with the skill of a Chinese child laborer. Your options are:

1. BOB AND WEAVE, PEOPLE. Bob. and. weave.

2. Start crying

Make it ugly, otherwise you run the risk of them thinking you’re a delicate damsel in distress who needs their saving.

3. Start a diatribe against people who don’t recycle.

You’re Rand Paul and this topic is your Patriot Act–you could go for HOURS.

4. Tell them they remind you of your father

When they’re about 2 inches from landing.

5. Blow your rape whistle

Which you should have at all times around your neck or on your belt.

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8 thoughts on “10 Ways to Dodge a Kiss

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