I can’t believe how amazing you guys are. You didn’t freak out on me. You didn’t quit me cold turkey. You actually stuck with me. And you tolerated my bullcrapping.

*GIANT PANDA HUGS, Y’ALL*

I love the ish out of you. Here. 🍕🍕🍕🍕🍕🍕🍕🍕🍕🍕

I just happened to catch Britney Spears’s latest single Pretty Girls which features Iggy Azalea, as an alien.

What. The. Major. Eff.

Anyway. If you thought UFOs only happened to exist in the damn outer space, you couldn’t be more wrong. I’ve seen tons – I repeat, TONS – of them. They are all over the place.

As a kid, I had this weird phase where I wanted to be a famous UFOlogist. Study aliens. Look at cornfields. Hell, I wanted to go to Roswell, New Mexico and settle there. (Read about the 1947 Roswell UFO incident here – http://www.roswellufomuseum.com/incident.html) Little girl dreams, *sigh*.

Little did I know that I’d end up interacting with UFOs so very frequently.

And I’m being totally serious here.

Here are the kinds of UFOs I happened to interact with:

1. Unindentified Floating Objects.

Once upon a crappy time, when I lived in the hostel, we had this mess – which needless to say, lived up to its name, and served hauntingly measly portions of mess on our plates – where they also served the world’s grossest idli saambhar.

Back when I was in my first semester of college, things were really hectic and the only option was breakfast in mess. Obviously, the mess people had to whip up real quick breakfasts. What better option than idli, right?

They’d make the saambhar with rotten bits of vegetable – some of which we never knew existed.

I haven’t been able to eat saambhar since.

Indian-hostel-mess-food, I salute you. And I’m being sarcastic.

image
For all those who won't know, idli saambhar is a south Indian delicacy. The white stuff is idli and the orange soupy thing is saambhar.

2. Unfriendly Frigid Oafs.

image

Mean. Unfriendly. Rude. Sass-mouthing. Jerks. Tricksters. They make effing Professor Umbridge sound like a fluffy little bunny.

My college Principal – oh, princi darling – wins the crown. Hands down.

…talk about cray cray whack jobs.

3. Unfazed Freaky Oglers.

These people are absolute works of art, I tell you.

They’ll ogle at you while you’re eating.

They’ll ogle if you’re nice to your colleagues.

Ogle at you when you’re with your girlfriends. And try to pass it off as flirting.

image

Okay, looky is fine. Looky-touchy-strippy with your eyes is not.

I’m pretty sure no UFO has ever gotten this:

image

Also,

image
Certain UFOs makes this guy look almost adorable.

And finally, since I have to conclude with food,

4. Unpalatable Fried Okra:

Like seriously, who invented this?!

image

Well. Hahahaha. You actually thought I would talk about Unidentified flying objects! Gotcha.

This is a rant blog, remember?

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57 thoughts on “The Thing About UFOs.

  1. You’re a believer too?! I read a book on Roswell and I believe the whole thing is a cover-up because UFOs and aliens really do exist.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. U Fabulous Oink avoider!

    That food stuff you showed me, LR? Didja hafta? Aaaaaaaack

    Roswell UFOs are either mankind from the future coming back in time to visit or tricky photographers throwing pie plates into the sky.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. So I’m watching an old “Twilight Zone” episode about aliens, and they’re on earth, and their guiding book is “How to Serve Humans,” LR. All the people are happy when they show them their Alien Bible. But then they get a couple folks on the spaceship and start licking their nasty lips and the fattest human shouts, “Oh, no, it’s a Cookbook!”

        Liked by 1 person

  3. I learned the word Awesome Sauce here & have to say this post was Awesome Sauce 😀 The idea was perfect & the mocking ending about people visiting here to gain knowledge on UFOs.. Bingo !! 😀 Love your rants 😛

    Liked by 1 person

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