I apologize for not posting yesterday – I was so tired from all that pizza I ate, I just happened to keel over and fall asleep.
*Males, you might wanna keep out now*
With mascara on.
And when I woke up in the morning, I looked like a cross between Death and A BABY PROSTITUTE, rolled in chopped grossity.
Do not go to sleep with eye makeup on, people. Like, ever. And a giant no no no no no if you happen to wear mascara that’s not waterproof.
If you have, then Lord help you.
I hate it how I’ve got this relationship with mascara, where I can’t live without it, and then I want to kill it, at the same time.
Like, come on.
Why the wand? Serious eye-poke hazard right there. It’s a health risk, y’all. Bits of mascara that come in contact with your conjunctiva could sometimes lead to conji – conjunctivitis to you plebs.
And trust me, your eye does not appreciate constant threat of inflammations.
Trying to find the perfect mascara is like Taylor Swift dating ten million guys before she finally finds a man who actually matches her awesomeness.
Which is hard, you guys. She’s with Calvin Harris now – kinda like my situation where I’m with Urban Decay’s perversion mascara now and it’s not waterproof so it’s definitely not perfect for accidentally falling asleep in.
How long would it take for my over fluttered head to wrap itself around the fact that OMG MASCARA AIN’T NO PAJAMA PANTS! YOU’RE NOT SUPPOSED RO GET COMFY!?
Probably a gazillion more pink eye attacks. Ugh.
There’s also the other bad part about mascara where wands are the only option. I wish it came with some other forms of application, you know? Like airbrush makeup. Too unreal.
While it makes your eyelashes look and fan out like a peacock’s spectacular plumage while it’s doing a rain-dance, it also makes them feel like chips. All crunchy and gross. And stiff and unnatural. Bleeaaarrgghh.
Why, Mascara, Why? Sometimes I just hate to love you.
Rant over. This was such a moronic-meets-whattheeff post. Hahaha.