A friend totally inspired this blog post. You know who you are, so please don’t kill me if you’re reading this. I love my life, no matter how much I seem to complain about it.
It’s already been established that I have crazy friends. Birds of a feather, and all that. So this cray cray whack job calls me – completely out of the blue – to tell me this, quote:
Friend: Boy, I’m so glad I never had anal.
Me: What in the world?!
Friend: I’m serious. I had this poopmergency today and –
Me: Uh oh.
Friend: WILL YOU LISTEN?! I had to walk a mile to get to the nearest mall. I’m so glad my anal sphincter is tight, you know? Imagine if it wasn’t. Man, I’ve never been so happy. Seeing an unoccupied loo. And that commode. Heaven. *sigh*
Me: *dying with laughter* oh. Dear. God.
Yes, this actually happened. I’m not even exaggerating. Speaking of sphincters and loomergencies – which includes peemergencies and poopmergencies – I have a bit of an advice for you. Do NOT pout for selfies. Pouts resemble… well, you know what I mean.
At this point you’re supposed to give me a tap on the back, for being so brave, and actually posting this picture. Now you also know why, possibly, nobody is ever gonna snog me. And my bad teeth don’t help.
Is anyone else here a germophobe and scared to death of public washrooms? I keep thinking if I ever died an unnatural death, it would totally be from urinary tract infection. I’m not even kidding. One way to avoid it is to do what I do, if you have an absolute loomergency.
You DO realise I’ve run out of ideas for posts at the moment, right? Might as well surrender and go back to doing this:
Meanwhile, I got tagged to do the Liebster thing – this time by Shweta from https://themissshweta.wordpress.com. Go check out her amazing blog!
1) What really makes you happy?
Blogging. Hands down.
2) What keeps you motivated?
My desire to get the Hell out of the country.
3) If you were a super hero what would your hero name be?
Bohemian Crapsody. It doesn’t make any sense what-effing-soever. But I’m boho. Ish. And I talk a ton of crap. As is evident here.
4) If you could go back in time to change one thing what would it be?
Med-school thing. I’d pick fashion photography or journalism instead.
5) If you could live anywhere, where would that be?
Sligo, Ireland. Westlife originated there. Don’t judge me!
6) Whats your favourite condiment?
7) Whats your most & least favourite word?
Most favorite – two words actually, it’s more like a phrase “sucks bananas”.
Least favorite – “planning”. Dude. don’t plan. Do. DO.
8) If you could ask your future self one question what would it be?
Will I be happy?
9) What’s the most unusual conversation you’ve ever had?
About botox with Dad’s colleague. Incidentally, botox sucks bananas. Do not get those shots.
10) If you could learn any language fluently what would it be?
Spanish. It sounds so hot. Also the guys are hot.
I’ve got a blogger’s block right now and I’m unable to come up with questions. I know this makes me sound like Cruella De Vil, but there are only so many questions you can come up with. So, Hallelujah – you’re all spared!