Men often come up with the most romantic things to say. Not all men, some men. This is not some ball-bashing post. For this installment of my (oooh-back-by-popular-demand-*SNICKER*-I-am-totally-kidding-why-would-stupid-posts-be-popular-anyway) WTF Wednesday series, I bring to you a ginormous collection of appallingly – erm – romantic lines a bunch of ignoramus bozos have used on me.
Just a heads-up though, this will make you cry. And a ton of stuff I say from here on will be prefixed by a “WTF!” – don’t say I didn’t warn you.
1. “Oooh, you looked tall in your Facebook pictures! Can’t believe how tiny you are.” – What. The. Major. Eff. Also, this is exactly why you should never date a bloke who you happened to meet on Facebook. Or Instagram. Or whatever the eff kinda social media thingamajigs out there.
2. “Your glasses are thicker than glass bottle bottoms. Can you even see without them?” Fug you! That’s a John Green reference. I wear glasses and I’m amazing. Deal with it.
3. “Can you get the bill? I haven’t got my wallet on me.” – on the very first date. Who the eff does that!? No getting bills. I ain’t paying for all that crap you wolfed down, bozo. In case you’re wondering what I did, I actually paid the bill, like a blubbering old chipmunk with no common sense. What happened to the guy, you ask? He probably died in the Kalahari, with a camel for company. Or something.
4. “I hope you never wake up again!” – Bro, trust me, I hope that too. Every effing day. Pray for me, yeah?
5. “I’m sorry I led you on. Just that, I don’t believe in love – it’s bullfart.” – WTF.
6. “Baby, my classmate is so HOT – I mean her bazookas, wow! Why don’t YOURS look like that?” WTF are you playing at, dude? Checking out your classmate’s chestal area is okay, ’cause men notice such stuff, anyway. It’s a whole new level of shock hearing him talk like that!
7. “For a little person, you eat like a lot!” – Thanks for the observation, arsehat. There’s a dinosaur in my belly that needs constant feeding. Anything else? *insert two billion Eff Yous*
8. “I think you need to see a shrink.” – Saved the best for the last. This one got me hopping mad. And righteous indignation. Crazy people hate being told they are bonkers. Right? Like, Amy Dunne. From Gone Girl, remember? Oooh. I’ve been called that too.
Also, my girl Noorain from The Plate Memoirs (https://theplatememoirs.wordpress.com) nominated me for Post A Quote A Day Challenge!
Here’s mine for the day:
The hardest thing ever is to fight to be yourself, and hold on to what makes you YOU, when everyone else is invariably trying to take you apart, and then going overboard trying to fix you. You’re not a botched-up recipe that can be fixed. You’re a person, you’re whole, undamaged – don’t let anyone take that away from you.