I am what my Mum calls a “pathological liar”. I mostly white-lie, and I get caught. How ironic. Which means that technically, I’m the worst liar in the history of worst liars.

When I lie, I stammer. That’s how Mum has been catching me in the act all along. I didn’t know, not until I overhead her tell my Dad about it.

Now, we all need to white-lie at certain times, to save out butts. People who claim not to have ever lied don’t exist. The last of their kind died with Mother Freaking Teresa. Don’t get me wrong, I admire her, I do, but I can’t be her, know what I mean?

The truth about lying is that it happens to be an art. And there are two simple rules.

You need tons of grey matter- functional, juicy, brimming with ideas grey matter. That’s rule number one. Keep the cogs in your brain well-oiled and working.

You need to come up with one believable lie, and create a minimum of five supplementary stories, to go along with it. Your rule number two – be a talented storyteller. Your story needs to be smoother than butter, it needs to be devourable. It needs to be foolproof and you’ve to practise a lot so you don’t give yourself away when you’re doing some storytelling. This is that ONE RULE that my very non-pathological-liar friend Ananda swears by.

You don’t want to get caught lying. You have to keep your plan air, water, soil, food, people, basically environment, tight. No fidgeting. No yapping beyond necessary. No tapping knees. NO STAMMERING.

Here’s an example of the perfect lie:

You need to pull, push, stretch, squeeze, mould et cetera around that white lie you began with. Just like dough. And you’re good to go. (This is also my quote of the day for today, in response to the Post a Quote aDay Challenge, which Kait King https://kaitkingthewriter.wordpress.com – nominated me for. I’d done day one and forgotten about day two. Gah.)

Remember, white lies are mutant versions of the truth.

Happy saving your butts!

I do not encourage lying that involves murder, felony and gluttony. Unless those lies happen to involve the Chief Minsiter of Bengal – in which case, you’re more than welcome.

Advertisements

37 thoughts on “The Art Of Lying

      1. Well if you have the straight face thing going for you…you are good to go…and like you said white lies are just a twist of the truth….you just keep it simple though

        Liked by 2 people

  1. I feel horrible when I lie. I can lie with a straight face if the need arises. I usually only do it to make people stop talking though. ๐Ÿ˜ฎ

    But lying is mostly bad. It sucks and I just don’t feel good doing it. ๐Ÿ˜ฆ

    Liked by 3 people

  2. Trust me,I’m a little badass about this,but except for those absolutely necessary to live and save my life white lies… I DONT LIE.. ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜
    Ok now that looked sarcastic ๐Ÿ˜’๐Ÿ˜’
    Anyways,what I mean is… If I don’t possess the guts to admit what I did,I think I shouldn’t do that thing ever.
    Lying for me is more of a question of pride rather than hiding the truth. It hurts my ego to lie.. I feel like a miserable pile of shit afterwards,so I either don’t involve in the conversation,where I can’t tell the truth or I just blurt it out..
    What has to happen shall happen.

    Yep!! I’m twisted ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜ณ

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I white lie a lot. With a Mommy like mine, it is absolutely necessary! And I’m sorta an adventuress, and I’m not being complimentary here, I do things to annoy her and on purpose and then lie about it. Haha, no you’re not twisted!:)

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Bwahahahahahaha you cute stuff… You must feel like the female version of HARRY POTTER… ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚ I white lie too.. Im sure everyone does ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚
        I’m still laughing about the adventuress stuff.. Dude can you possibly get any cuter,well save for that dp..

        Liked by 1 person

      1. I disagree. Because today you will do it for yourself, then for brother , boyfriend, family, country , religion etc. I am not saying I am a saint but bad is bad as per morality.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Nope. You were being honest. Nothing wrong with that. As time goes you will learn as I do and everyone else on this planet ๐Ÿ™‚

        Liked by 1 person

  3. I feel like you’re missing a third rule: your lie has to be irreproachable. By that, I mean it has to be either so outrageous or benign that no one is going to really check into that lie. “I’m late because I had diarrhea.” How is your boss going to check into that? Who would even admit that? It’s an irreproachable lie. Basically, I’m a terrible liar and that’s the only lie I can get away with. My every lie involves diarrhea, even it doesn’t apply.

    Liked by 2 people

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s