Having your order reach you late is kinda sorta like an emotional pregnancy. Hear me out. The due date is often delayed. You often get nasty shocks. You’re on the phone with your emotional pregnancy doctor (read: customer services) constantly, and you often bite their heads off.

Just like a woman who’s expecting.

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They should make music videos for songs like “missing you so bad it actually hurts my head” featuring restless and pacey girls waiting for the Amazon guys.

Who, by the way, rock.

And it would all be like, major hits, because girls like me love shopping more than we do people. And I’m not ashamed to admit that – shopping makes me happy.

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Obviously all good things come to those who wait, so even though this expecting is excruciatingly exhausting…

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Good things do happen. Right?

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…you actually get to live longer. Yay!! And I’m not even being sarcastic here.

Excuse my absolutely headless post. I’d had enough of whining and I thought y’all needed a break from that too.

Speaking of expectations, I kinda sorta lost my alcohol virginity, when I was least expecting it. My friend spiked my Sprite with some vodka while I wasn’t looking. (No wonder my lovely Sprite tasted like death.) How do people get so drunk? Bleeeeaaarrggghhhh. Acquired taste, I guess, like sushi.

Needless to say, I acted like a complete moron after my friend told me I had Sprite from a “dirty glass” – I’m sure ten mils won’t get people tipsy, and I’m hoping it was just a placebo effect. However, when I woke up this morning, I had a lump on my head. The size of a plum. Or a shriveled Clementine. And it bloody hurts.

Please tell me I haven’t been bitten by a mutant tarantula or something.

Have you ever had anyone spike your drink? Did you act like a clown?

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40 thoughts on “What To Expect When You’re Expecting

      1. Obviously you love shopping but she has done quite few nasty things in the past. It amazes me that people of Bengal keep voting for her. As far as my opinion goes, Dada should join politics and change this anarchy.

        Liked by 1 person

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