I have a lot of questions. Starting with this one. What’s wrong with me being me? Looking into the mirror, I see ten billion flaws. My nose ain’t right. I’m fat. My brows ain’t symmetrical. My teeth look tacky. But, get this. I love the fact that I’m not perfect. I can’t be Tyra Banks. No matter how hard I try.

Why do I have to do stuff to please other people? Always? From what I can tell, the Lord Almighty did not put us on earth (with a little help from our parents) to be people-pleasers. So why is it wrong to say “No”?

Sometimes I like my own space. My own headspace. I like to connect with myself. Why is it that friends choose my “me” time to pester me to go hang out with them at the world’s booziest place? Why is it that if I refuse, I’ll be left with no friends at all? How many friends does one need in their lives? I too had best friends once, and they found rich significant others and left. So why does it make me a jerk if I sometimes refuse to do what makes me unhappy?

How is it okay that everyone gets allowances for their bad bahavior, and people actually get them but when it comes to me, I draw a blank? Is it okay to be a doormat and let everyone walk all over you? Maybe I attract the wrong crowd. Maybe it’s definitely ME that’s damaged. When I’m screwed up, that’s the real me – and nobody wants it. They say I’m crabby, shallow and self-centered. That I don’t care. But how is it okay to force myself to do stuff I don’t want to? Why is it always necessary that I pretend to be okay with everything – or risk being judged? Why?

How do you learn to say NO?


60 thoughts on “What’s Wrong With Being Me?

  1. Wow. I so feel you. I don’t have any answers to your questions. One thing I do know, if your friends stopped being your friend because you want to be you then they were never your friends to begin with.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. This post is probably the most relatable of all so far. I cannot answer these questions yet because I myself wonder about them but all I can say is that you are a wonderful person just the way you are and your personality is even better.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Hey can i have your number? (I know the answer is No) πŸ˜› You have said it twice to me. See it isn’t hard. πŸ˜€ So one more time, I am gonna try my luck. Just to let you know that you know how to say No. πŸ™‚
    Can i have your number, if not your mail ID? πŸ˜‰

    Liked by 1 person

  4. One other question: Why do we all seem to fall into these spirals of self-doubt? The curse of self-actualization, I suppose. When I get sucked into these spirals…well, I usually succumb and curl up into a ball of depression waiting to implode, but I’ve gotten a little better about telling my brain to shut up because I know it’s overlooking or diminishing the positive.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Young paduan…. Your generosity, and sweetness of spirit speaks well of you, and, you have identified one of people’s most serious stumbling blocks to living with honor AND contentment…. Plus, you’ve already learned you can’t change others, only yourself…. So, I commend you, and will now give you the answer to your question, as very clearly explained by one of the world’s greatest writers (of sci-fi, if it matters…. It goes like this, and when you have absorbed it and made it part of your life, you will no longer suffer from this particular issue… to wit:

    “Do not confuse “duty” with what other people expect of you; they are utterly different. Duty is a debt you owe to yourself to fulfill obligations you have assumed voluntarily. Paying that debt can entail anything from years of patient work to instant willingness to die. Difficult it may be, but the reward is self-respect.Β 

    But there is no reward at all for doing what other people expect of you, and to do so is not merely difficult, but impossible. It is easier to deal with a footpad than it is with the leech who wants “just a few minutes of your time, please — this won’t take long.” Time is your total capital, and the minutes of your life are painfully few. If you allow yourself to fall into the vice of agreeing to such requests, they quickly snowball to the point where these parasites will use up 100 percent of your time — and squawk for more!

    So learn to say No – and to be rude about it when necessary. Otherwise you will not have time to carry out your duty, or to do your own work, and certainly no time for love and happiness. The termites will nibble away your life and leave none of it for you. (This rule does not mean that you must not do a favor for a friend, or even a stranger. But let the choice be yours. Don’t do it because it is “expected” of you.)

    — Robert A. Heinlein

    Believe me, this works, to free you from the demands others make on your time, if only you can find the strength to apply it… and, you can. I’ve seen you do it without knowing, as you write…

    You’ll be fine….

    gigoid, the dubious

    Liked by 3 people

  6. Don’t go where you don’t want to Lilrant… Just be yourself… That’s exactly the way we like you… Besides… When you’re able to just be yourself… the friends you end up with will be the best there is… We’re all a little screwed up… That’s what makes us all unique… Leave your eyebrows alone… their adorable…

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Why the he’ll would you want to be tyra banks when you are so great being you??? When I was your age I was quite beautiful and i wasn’t a patch on you! I get the hypercritical thing because when I did modeling I was too but seriously you’re a lovely person who is a far better writer and a ducky critic and beautiful thou beautiful ain’t everything! β™‘

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Ok I’ll post some it was a long time ago but you’re wrong, make up etc isn’t why you’re beautiful it’s more than physical don’t get swept up in that shit but if you Sox you’re still not able to see how beautiful you are. Just remember you can be physically beautiful and an ugly poooerson. You are incredibly bright and funny, rely on your personality more or you’ll be objectifiedβ™‘

        Liked by 1 person

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