Disclaimer: Very depressing post. Do not read if you’re already depressed.
Seriously, what’s it with Thursdays and me? I can’t seem to function. At all. I’m this whole lump of useless lard. I don’t want to get up, I spend all day stalking people on Instagram, wondering why I don’t get followers and stuffing my face with Pringles.
I want to flatten myself on the floor and stay there till the rug swallows me whole. Damn you, Thursdays! And I thought Wednesdays sucked bananas. Maybe I should start these series called TFU (Totally F*cked Up) Thursday.
Okay. Back when I started blogging, I was severely damaged. Like, battlefield wounded. Needing-surgical-intervention wounded. I’m talking emotional surgery, it was that bad. It was like my rollercoaster had crashed and I was the only burn victim. I’d stalk my ex. I won’t lie. I’d let myself get hurt. I’d fall back down. Get sucked back in. I’d get heartbroken at the thought of him addressing women as baby, baby doll, sweetheart. I’d cry and stay awake and try to kill myself. Confession: I’ve had episodes of organophosphorus poisoning. Yes, plural. I was that damaged. Self-inflicted. I’ve had people make fun of me. Example:
“Sooch is taking Baygon*”
“Yeah, like bae gone – Baygon! Right? How very funny. B*tch is insane.”
How very ludicrous, right? Ever imagined me, with my jokes and self-depreciation and my vocabhurlary, being so pathetic? I know. It takes time to heal. Emotional detoxification. Flushing out memories. I’d get a lobotomy if that’d help. I’m not kidding. I’d give anything to forget who I am, just for a day, and spend twenty four hours outside looking in.
But here’s the good news.
The demons are gone. They’re finally quiet. I feel cleansed. Took me a long time, five months, but here I am. And I’m okay. I cannot thank you enough. Thanks a million, for sticking around and letting me torture you with my stories. Depression isn’t easy to beat but I’m fighting – without pills. Go me!
Oh wait. Mystery of why I people don’t follow me solved: I’m not flashing skin, shhhhh. That’s why.