Disclaimer: Very depressing post. Do not read if you’re already depressed.

Seriously, what’s it with Thursdays and me? I can’t seem to function. At all. I’m this whole lump of useless lard. I don’t want to get up, I spend all day stalking people on Instagram, wondering why I don’t get followers and stuffing my face with Pringles.

I want to flatten myself on the floor and stay there till the rug swallows me whole. Damn you, Thursdays! And I thought Wednesdays sucked bananas. Maybe I should start these series called TFU (Totally F*cked Up) Thursday.

Okay. Back when I started blogging, I was severely damaged. Like, battlefield wounded. Needing-surgical-intervention wounded. I’m talking emotional surgery, it was that bad. It was like my rollercoaster had crashed and I was the only burn victim. I’d stalk my ex. I won’t lie. I’d let myself get hurt. I’d fall back down. Get sucked back in. I’d get heartbroken at the thought of him addressing women as baby, baby doll, sweetheart. I’d cry and stay awake and try to kill myself. Confession: I’ve had episodes of organophosphorus poisoning. Yes, plural. I was that damaged. Self-inflicted. I’ve had people make fun of me. Example:

“Sooch is taking Baygon*”

“Wow. ”

“Yeah, like bae gone – Baygon! Right? How very funny. B*tch is insane.”

Et cetera.

How very ludicrous, right? Ever imagined me, with my jokes and self-depreciation and my vocabhurlary, being so pathetic? I know. It takes time to heal. Emotional detoxification. Flushing out memories. I’d get a lobotomy if that’d help. I’m not kidding. I’d give anything to forget who I am, just for a day, and spend twenty four hours outside looking in.

But here’s the good news.

The demons are gone. They’re finally quiet. I feel cleansed. Took me a long time, five months, but here I am. And I’m okay. I cannot thank you enough. Thanks a million, for sticking around and letting me torture you with my stories. Depression isn’t easy to beat but I’m fighting – without pills. Go me!

Oh wait. Mystery of why I people don’t follow me solved: I’m not flashing skin, shhhhh. That’s why.


57 thoughts on “The Healing Process

  1. Wait, you’re not flashing skin? Why am I following you!?

    But seriously. I think a lot of people that have been low found some sort of comfort through blogging. If it helps you heal, all the better, right? ❀

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Go you indeed. Reading a bunch of your posts at the same time leaves me with one assumption about you – you don’t take shit from anyone.

    If there’s one thing I have learnt is that we should first refuse taking shit from ourselves. The enemy is within. Only hot messes and opportunities are outside. Grab one of those and go for whatever makes you the happiest. Just FYI – not wanting something doesn’t count, find what you want.

    You are making me quote Sheryl Crow but I shall allow it. You seem nice – “if it makes you happy, it can’t be that bad”.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Uhmm not the point. Depression is a sneaky fucker. It comes when even the tiniest of bubbles burst. Recognising is a big deal. I have personally been fighting it too, without pills. All I am saying is finding out something to be genuinely passionate about really helps πŸ™‚

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Yeah I gave up after a few weeks. Therapy is kinda decent if psychiatrists weren’t so clichΓ©d in their treatment of the psyche. Well whatever is bound to work for you will. Gotta wait and keep looking while staying away from silliness. As boring as that sounds, feel better lass, don’t let the world bring you down.

        Liked by 1 person

      1. βœ‹πŸ»….and I’m never going to be popular on Instagram. You actually have to post stuff to achieve a successful following. I haven’t found anything interesting to post for about two years 😐 I give up! Now, where are those Pringles!

        Liked by 1 person

  3. I guess work fatigue kicks in by Thursday? But Fridays are better because of Pizza? πŸ˜› πŸ˜›

    On a serious note though, I get what you’re saying and am glad you found your way through the mess. One of my best friends went through the same and in fact is still going through it since she doesn’t have a channel like to work as therapy.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. As long as you have steam inside you keep going. If it stops, refill with something else. I remember you blogging once about the stats page in WordPress and you said, “You were obsessed about it and kept refreshing to see how many followers and likes and comments you got. Later you grew out it.” (something like this, not the exact words though). After a while, you will get that system of Insta followers out too. Let hoes be hoes (apologies for being harsh and judgmental), but you are better than that in my eyes so I’m sure over time it wont matter so much.

    Liked by 2 people

  5. Cool!
    Nice going, keep them, until I come back with some new skills.
    I have hard time understanding your posts and sentences, but again as I always you are a rarity and I am apprehensive about a breakthrough you will be πŸ™‚

    Last line I read like 10 times to understand
    But couldn’t
    After I read a comment I got it
    I m not anywhere else but WP
    So I don’t know I am sure things will follow, just do what you are best at.
    Take care.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. It is always wonderful to read your thoughts. I am glad writing served an healing purpose exactly what it did to me. Keep smiling and keep this life moving. Just like you have gained popularity on WP slowly, you will gain it on IG too slowly but surely. I am sure those 100k did not happen within couple days just like Rome was not built in a day. Best wishes and regards.

    Liked by 1 person

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