I know January is almost over, but I thought I should talk about this. 2015 was a good year, and bad, at the same time. Mostly, it threw a lot of life lessons my way. I’m gonna list the top fifteen. Now, getting straight to the point:
1. Smart people end things (*cough* R-E-L-A-T-I-O-N-S-H-I-P-S *cough*) before they’ve even begun.
2. Even the worst people have hearts. Talk about element of surprise.
3. It’s not love if it doesn’t hurt like a wounded bitch.
4. Nobody is ever really your friend.
5. If you’re with someone, and you’re still a secret, time to run for the hills.
6. Emotions are crap.
7. You can’t stop professional jealousy any more than you can stop the West Bengal government from being colossal arseclowns.
8. Family isn’t overrated. I was wrong. The problem lies with me.
9. Always carry pepper spray. You never know who the cray moron next to you on the bus can do.
10. Do not have online relationships. Nobody thinks it’s real. Take my word for it. Not until you meet them anyway.
11. Always wear good lingerie. You never know when you’re gonna have a wardrobe malfunction. (Or get some action, for all ye lucky ones.)
12. Hand sanitizer never really works. Trust me, I would know.
13. Refrain from bonding with anyone. It leads to a buttload of literal crap. Ugh. Brrr. Shudder.
14. A well stocked fridge, peppermint and Earl Grey teas, pizza, TV shows, socks, tons of books, more books and a fat fluffy hamster – all you’ll need to survive the madness.
15. Finally, DO NOT CHECK INSTAGRAM DMs. You’d get played like a guitar, and then have your strings ripped. You’re welcome.