The other night I had a wedding to go to. And I wore red eyeshadow and skipped the sweater, because I wanted to be a stylish grandma.
It backfired. As it so happens.
The bride was my age and she dutifully said yes to the perfect match that her parebts picked out for her. I, on the other hand, very much single, on Dad’s arm instead of a husband’s, stuck out like a sore thumb. With my red eyeshadow (gotta remind you, again, and yes it’s waaaaaaaay out of my comfort zone) and sheer sari, I thought I looked okay.
God knows where this random Aunty materialized from and she seemed to know me very well. Well enough to say mean things like, “You’re too old to be wearing that! And too old to be single.” Pause. “And no wonder you haven’t snagged a man yet, looking the way you do. Red eyeshadow, for God’s sake! Ma Durga!”
What. The. I can’t even.
So I told my best friend about it. He said I should have told her that she was so old her birth certificate didn’t exist anymore. And then smacked her on the face. Bwahahah. I wish.
Have y’all been attacked by random aunties? I need help.