For over a year, I tried (and failed) to steer my blog in one definite direction. I lost the handful of friends I had. I lost love. I lost myself. I try to keep this space as entertaining as I can but there’s only so much you can rant about. And I’m not Narcissa Malfoy, so I refuse to go about my life acting like there happened to be a nasty smell under my nose.
This is not me.
I’m not a beauty blogger. I’ve never been to cosmetology school. I don’t know anything about anything. I’m just a random uninteresting third person with a random uninteresting blog. I haven’t created anything nor spread love. I need to stop talking about all things makeup and get my head back in my books where it belongs.
Now that I think of it, I’ve only been self-obsessed on here. I actually believed for a while that people did love me and they did care. Little did I know that I’m just… uninspiring. I’m nothing special. I’m a geek that happened to think glamour would make me feel okay – I was so wrong. I’ve never had anybody or anything but my books.
Come to think of it, they never ditched me.
I’m pretty sure I’m not the only one that feels this way. It’s the start of the new year in my part of the country and I’m still stuck in 2015. When I stopped reading. I stopped being that voracious reader I used to be, I stopped doing what my blog was all about and I stopped being myself and tried to be cool. Cool doesn’t sit with me. I’m not meant for that sort of awesomeness. Certain people reading this would scoff to themselves and say, “Bitch thinks she’s the center of everyone’s world. Trying to gain sympathy. Sheesh.”
Truth is, I don’t need it. Nor do I want it. There are times in life when you stop and go back into the shell you emerged from. This is it for me. Why the sudden drama you ask? Well, I am the child of the moon. I’m a Cancerian. And a woman. I’m prone to these unbecoming-of-a-blogger mood swings. But then I’m not a blogger. I’m a boring nobody who went to med school in this boring corner of the planet. Don’t mind me.
Gonna wipe the dust off my chair and go read.