For over a year, I tried (and failed) to steer my blog in one definite direction. I lost the handful of friends I had. I lost love. I lost myself. I try to keep this space as entertaining as I can but there’s only so much you can rant about. And I’m not Narcissa Malfoy, so I refuse to go about my life acting like there happened to be a nasty smell under my nose.

This is not me.

I’m not a beauty blogger. I’ve never been to cosmetology school. I don’t know anything about anything. I’m just a random uninteresting third person with a random uninteresting blog. I haven’t created anything nor spread love. I need to stop talking about all things makeup and get my head back in my books where it belongs.

Now that I think of it, I’ve only been self-obsessed on here. I actually believed for a while that people did love me and they did care. Little did I know that I’m just… uninspiring. I’m nothing special. I’m a geek that happened to think glamour would make me feel okay – I was so wrong. I’ve never had anybody or anything but my books.

Come to think of it, they never ditched me.

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Lost in the pages.

I’m pretty sure I’m not the only one that feels this way. It’s the start of the new year in my part of the country and I’m still stuck in 2015. When I stopped reading. I stopped being that voracious reader I used to be, I stopped doing what my blog was all about and I stopped being myself and tried to be cool. Cool doesn’t sit with me. I’m not meant for that sort of awesomeness. Certain people reading this would scoff to themselves and say, “Bitch thinks she’s the center of everyone’s world. Trying to gain sympathy. Sheesh.”

Truth is, I don’t need it. Nor do I want it. There are times in life when you stop and go back into the shell you emerged from. This is it for me. Why the sudden drama you ask? Well, I am the child of the moon. I’m a Cancerian. And a woman. I’m prone to these unbecoming-of-a-blogger mood swings. But then I’m not a blogger. I’m a boring nobody who went to med school in this boring corner of the planet. Don’t mind me.

Gonna wipe the dust off my chair and go read.

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Thank you, words.
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54 thoughts on “Thinking Back

  1. Hey, I am here and I enjoy your blog. I’m sure you have a lot of things to teach. You’re an avid reader! I’m sure you know how to distinguish a good book (plots, characters and such). I’m sure you have a good critical thinking. Don’t be so hard on yourself!

    Be magic,

    N.

    Liked by 2 people

      1. Interesting swift in your thought process, is it going to metamorphosis ? or it is just a usual low feeling !

        Either way, as I said there is something that can be taken out of what you say often. Some are good, while others just keep coming.

        Let’s see what happens next.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Yes, sometimes we do feel so, if that is what your heart says do it. But make sure you take any decision with a calm mind. Sometimes things come up on us very hard and strong and we get upset, sad or angry with things and take some decisions that are not meant to.

        So eat some chocolate and have your favorite fruit. Then do your favorite thing. Do you still feel like the way you are feeling ?

        Liked by 1 person

      3. Hopelessness is never a root, it is like a mushroom sitting on top of a root problem, so you never see it.

        I don’t see any mail id on your blog, if you may want to talk shoot me a mail in my contact.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Books have a way of letting us forget our true worries in life! Don’t lose faith in yourself.. Do things that make you happy, pursue your passions, you will always find a way to be happy :).. Lovely write up! You have an amazing knack of writing, believe in yourself ๐Ÿ™‚

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Lady, we all think you are interesting. You may think you’re not a beauty blogger, but what distinguishes a “true” beauty blogger from a “fake” one? I know many people who went to beauty school and they are no more of an expert on eyeliner than I am. Some people are just born with a gift to know how makeup and skincare works. You seem to be one of those people. Don’t feel down about this or the direction your blog is going in. I sometimes wonder if I sound narcissistic on my blog, too. However, it is YOUR blog. It is about YOU. No need to feel guilty for talking about you on YOUR blog. Just keep being you and we will continue following and supporting ๐Ÿ™‚

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Sorry about you feeling depressed. I find myself wincing while reading your painful (and I’m sure unrealistic) self-criticism ’cause I sometimes get in that mood. But, then I said to myself, Here’s a young woman putting herself down unmercifully, but little does she realize that in this blog she is proving herself to be an excellent communicator and writer. I know good writing when I see it. Go back and read this post–the clear, economical language. The simple, direct sentence structure. The vivid images. That’s what makes for translating words on a page into communication with another person. But, I’ve no doubt you picked up this talent by osmosis through reading your books. So, I support your instinct to go read. And then tell us what the authors say to you–and to us.

    Most of all, take care.

    Liked by 2 people

      1. If you’re depressed about your lilrant persona, maybe your blog is a way of discovering another you, or re-discovering. As far as I can see, there is a lot of support and no judgment from your blog followers.

        Liked by 1 person

  5. As long as you’re honest, I will always read your blog. Believe it or not there are people here who like to read what you write. Shit, think about my blog, hardly anyone reads it and I don’t care I just love to write. You’re great.

    Liked by 3 people

  6. How untrue!!! Your blog is so amazing and you are the most interesting and fun person I’ve had the pleasure to meet for a very long time.. you are far from boring and I’m telling you you are crazy fun… a lot of people love you and yiu are truly and inspiration for me. Don’t thinkike this even for a second. โ˜บโ˜บโ˜บโ˜บ

    Liked by 2 people

  7. “A boring nobody”? Sooch, you are the exact opposite of that. You’re the only person in the world who can communicate the thoughts in your head with the rest…that right there is pretty darn special if you ask me. Keep writing, a lot of us like reading. (Insert pizza here).

    Liked by 2 people

  8. Honestly I’ve been obsessing over your blog for a few hours now and you’ve made me laugh, changed my views on a things,I’ve learnt so much and really enjoyed it a lot. I’ve been doing this for a few hours but I’m sure you have a lot of people who have been reading your blog for longer and I’m sure you’ve inspired a lot of people. I know feeling low or depressed is one of the worst feelings in the world ( preparing for IIT-Jee does that to people and it happened to me too) and honestly the only thing that gave me happiness was my books. I read like a crazy person 7 books in a week once. Sometimes it’s easier to lose yourself in the stories. I hope you had fun reading Da vinci code and Angels vs demons they’re really good books โค

    Like

      1. Aww No problem โค I'm so glad I found your blog ๐Ÿ˜€ I can totally relate to so many things, keep blogging you're really good at it. And honestly I'm so not into makeup but I'd rather take advice from your blog than fashion gurus for the simple reason that you've not been taught makeup and you can still do it so well plus you explain it in terms that I can actually comprehend. It's inspiring.

        Like

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