I’m currently at my very recently turned Vegan Aunt’s house. This place is basically every horror movie come to life. Remember Twelve, Grimmauld Place? Before the de-Doxy-fication? No wait, that’s actually kind of nice. Think Amityville Horror. Haunting in Connecticut. Boogeyman, even.I think he might be lurking in my room. 

My aunt’s house is pretty much the same. 

There are cows in the shed. And LEECHES. Leeches, you guys. I know leeches are nice, and help in clot-removal. But it’s kind of unnerving to see them walking around like they own the frigging place. (Which they probably do.)

Let’s talk about the cows now, shall we? 

There are three of them. Three and a half. There’s also a calf. Have your ever gotten up close and personal with a cow? Oh, lucky you. They stare at you funny. Their tongues are enormous. They smell… of cow. I find that unsettling. As hell. The calf is only twenty days old, and she broke into the kitchen to steal all the milk (which was rightfully hers) my very non-vegan grandpa drinks. 

There’s also spiders, as big as my face. I have arachnophobia. Like I loathe those eight legged freaks. I can’t stand them! Now imagine having a horror of spiders and you see them inhabiting the ceiling when you’re about to fall asleep. The result? No sleep in a week. 

I’m now sporting the very trendy snapchat filter look. You know, the one that gives you panda eyes and you look like you have had a very sexy smokey eye situation gone awfully, horrendously, wrong. That’s me, right now. 🐼

Also, it’s been raining. Non freaking stop. For a week. There’s mosquitoes to add to my woes. This place is nice, but it makes me wonder how people even live here. I did clean out the bathrooms, and I nearly died, but at least I’m able to detox everyday. Oh lord. This has been an AWFUL, AWFUL MONTH. 

I WANT MY MUM!!!!

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8 thoughts on “Country Life Disagrees With Me

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