What’s with Indian aunties and astrologers? My aunt dragged my butt to meet this dude so I have my palm read. Dear Godmother of Holy Begonias.
For those of y’all wondering, yes, this the same aunt that randomly caught religion.
Moving on. I have ADHD, and having to sit there while a dude had my hands in his under a bright freaking table lamp was too much. Pure torture, I tell you. I don’t do the whole touchy-feely thing. I never even had a boyfriend hold my hand for so long. This also explains why none of my boyfriends lasted. *sigh*
Some of the um, statements the dude made about my uh, “personality” (in his words, no filter):
1. You’re very shy and don’t talk to people.
2. You hate makeup. (WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?) You loved it when you were younger, but you hate it now.
3. You have a pronounced sex drive. Not kidding, he said that. With my mother right there.
4. You’re an awesome chef.
Not one of the above statements is true.
I know for a fact, that I am a huge people person. I am flamboyant. I talk to people, when they talk to me. I don’t run away. No.
I hate makeup? You’ve got to be kidding my ass.
My sex drive is about as pronounced as Usain Bolt’s eyebrow hair. In other words, not pronounced at all. And blurry as hell. I wish I had some sort of drive. Be it sex or my car miles.
I can’t cook for shiz. I however, have the appetite of a pig on weed.
Some predictions he made:
1. You’re going abroad. You’d settle there.
2. You’re gonna marry the guy you fall in love with.
3. You’re gonna have a son.
4. You’re gonna be highly qualified. And prosperous.
Going abroad? Where? I’m assuming Bangladesh.
Marrying the guy I fall in love with? My ass.
Have a son?! Are you freaking kidding me? You can’t put lipstick on a son, wait, you can, but then I do want daughter. Really.
Highly qualified? I can’t even.
What does this prove?
Astrologers are mostly doing a lot of woolly guesswork. And they totally make a commission off the jewelry stores when they ask you to wear some precious stone on your person. Stupid, stupid, stupid. 21st century and we’re still stuck in the middle ages. Why must we still match horoscopes, when we’re looking for a nice boy to marry your daughter? What guarantee do you have, of the marriage not failing?
Which brings me to that one question – is astrology and palmistry even real?