Working in a remote area with loads of patients, and very few doctors can be a pain in the neck. Coupled with the constant worry of not having enough medical supplies, the whole doctor thing gets messy. 

We basically take turns, and often miss meals because well, bulaava aaya. We all know I loathe group texts, and people in general – but when you get added to a workplace based whatsapp group, there’s no getting out. You’re supposed to cover for the other doctors when they are on leave because if you don’t, nobody will give you a break when you need one. What a crapload of a mess to be in. 

All of this is making me kind of apathetic. I don’t feel a thing. Except exhaustion. I’ve failed at relationships, been called out for being an opportunist, a pathogen and a slew of other names, and I don’t want to have a failed career too. I just want to be my own person, my own everything just so I can afford my life, and if that makes me look bad – so be it. I’m doing okay, I guess. 

Patients are cute. I get to see a lot of babies, a constant reminder that I’ll be a toxic mother so I should just refrain from the whole attachment thing. Seriously, don’t date MY kind. My kind don’t feel, we’re machines meant to serve the sick. And we won’t complain when you keep misunderstanding us. 

Such is life. 

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20 thoughts on “Apathy

      1. That’s the hard part. I think in your field (in any field really) there’s a lot of ego. I hope you can painlessly get through. The profession and the world needs caring and considerate people like you.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I’m sorry to hear it. If you can let your compassion for your patients override your loneliness. I mean bury yourself in your work. Take pride and strength in being lonely. You’ll meet like minded people soon. It’s only a matter of time.

        Liked by 1 person

  1. Hey are you a pediatrician?
    I want to tell you something the fear you said of holding babies in your other post i had it,must be harm ocd right?(i have ocd,improved a lot now with medications) and i once had that same fear,but what i had was only with babies of age 1 or less.

    Liked by 1 person

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