I don’t mean to be rude yet sadly, according to Dumbledore, accidental rudeness occurs alarmingly often. See, this is one of the situations I have nothing nice to say about. I’ll just go ahead and say it. 

The little town that’s 252 kilometers from Bangalore has completely ruined my English. I haven’t been able to figure out how things get lost in translation in the course of a four hour drive. Why, Bangalore is bustling with sex appeal, good grammar and poshness in general. Step outside of the malls and this is what happens. 

“Can I able to speak to so and so, please?”

I am not even kidding here. This is how even the doctors here talk. The nurses don’t speak English at all, which makes me wonder how the heck did they ever get through years of Nursing School – because I’m sure not all books were written in vernacular languages. That, precisely, was the day my English died. After Can and Abel attacked me together and mercilessly tore apart my polished Grammar Naziness. 

It further died a hopeless death the day I accepted head bath as a thing. Normal people would call it washing the hair, or even shampooing. Not the people here. I need help recovering. 

A few words and phrases my English took to the grave: 

1. I knew you didn’t TOLD me. Goodbye, grammar. Hello, bummer. 

2. “I never noticed.” “Me EITHER.” Where is the grammar? 

3. The old lady just dieded. OH GOD

4. What’s the problems with saying head baths? RIP.

Nope, not sarcastic at all. Thanks, South India’s Sleepy Hollow.


29 thoughts on “The Day My English Died

      1. Glad you liked it. It’s a song from 1970, I think. When I first heard it, I thought it had something to do with President Kennedy (“his widowed bride”) and I remembered watching the funeral when I was a small boy. But, no the song was actually about a famous musician who was killed in a plane crash (“the day the music died”) Anyway, the lyrics are haunting.

        Liked by 1 person

  1. As long as you can write English then you have something, even if your speech begins to be a little wonky. I live in a society where there are subtle shades of English depending on where you grew up. You are all good my blogging friend.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Since I AM a grammar nazi, I’ll ease your mind a bit to say this: you write better in English than 95% of the English speakers I know… so, your dismay at what you hear there in the “boonies” (short for boondocks…) is understandable, and not entirely out of place….Maybe a ‘little bit’ whiny, but, I can relate…



    Liked by 2 people

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