Isn’t it funny how opportunistic friendships have become? 

It used to be nice. And selfless. And then turned to some sort of symbiosis. You gave, and you took. And now? You’re an opportunistic pathogen. I’m not even kidding here. Look at my friends. They ditch me all the time like I’m a freaking used wet wipe. Actually no. Worse. What’s with people and forming new cliques at the ripe old age of 25? I’d understand if we were all teenagers and we’d form new cliques everyday and ignore our ex best friends but at 25, it’s kind of unacceptable. 

Which leads me to believe that true friends don’t really exist and friendships aren’t forever. And I need to stop watching Disney movies and wishing I had a Winne the Pooh to my Piglet. ‘Cause that’s never gonna happen. 

I feel like there’s something wrong with me. My friends would rather get drunk or stoned with their friends than hang out with me. This makes me about as interesting as a dead booger that some rabbit on the highway left to dry in the sun. And they only ever remember me when they have financial crises. I’m not specifically saying it’s just ONE friend, because it’s the whole LOT. They won’t invite me to house parties because ‘your mum doesn’t like you partying’, they won’t call me over for movie dates because ‘oh we totally forgot’ and they won’t wish you on New Year’s or on your birthday because ‘how the heck am I supposed to remember your birthday when you don’t have a facebook!’ Also, I tend to notice that my female friends make most of these excuses. More than the dudes do. Man, am I uninteresting or what. I’m guessing I’m the ‘or what.’

This is why I’ve decided I’m going to stop talking to people that only ever remember me when they need something. Add that to my list of 2017 resolutions. 

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22 thoughts on “Dissociate

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